Changes

Has life ever come to you so fast that you feel as if you are on a roller coaster, changing direction every second? Welcome to my world. Overseas trips, moving into a new home, and, oh yes, getting married all within six weeks has me quite upended. At times, I look in the mirror and wonder just who this crazy woman is. How am I to deal with all these changes of experience, location, and status so quickly? Just who is that person looking back at me?

It is quite easy to define ourselves by the roles we take on. How often have you been introduced by a friend saying, “This is _______, my teacher, my cousin, the music director or the lady with all the flowers in her backyard”? Yet we are more than that. I may still be a daughter and a sister, but those family members who made me so have passed on. I was a student, a business owner, and a high school English teacher. None of these roles, none of these changes really define the person looking back at me in the mirror. Yet how easy it is to think of ourselves only by these terms.
My name is soon to change. Physical traits change: my hair from red to gray, thanks to covid-19 and the hair salon being closed; wrinkles around my eyes and mouth, a sagging chin (don’t anyone dare to say “turkey neck”) due to aging. From being in the workforce to being retired has brought changes in my professional roles. I have volunteered and been volunteered for roles within this church family. Changes and more changes. Yet while many people try to avoid change, I have learned to embrace it, as every change challenges me and develops me into the person God wants me to be right here, right now.

I have even embraced the change brought on by losing a spouse. This was not the change I wanted. I struggled with identity, purpose, and worth. Even though I filled my days with activity, I was simply masking the isolation and purposelessness I felt. Yet God surrounded me then, as He does now, with loving, understanding people who not only listened but encouraged introspection and study, to listen for God’s voice as God would make clear my path. I hope I can pass their wisdom on to others.

I find that what I am looking for now has little to do merely with appearance or work roles but with the purpose for which I am here, living at this time, doing these things in this place, surrounded by these particular people. Throughout Lent, focusing on the Psalms, I discovered that I have similar feelings to the psalmists. Swayed by the vicissitudes of the world, I yearn for something purposeful, something constant. I am vulnerable, even fearful at times; I can be angry and despairing. I can be humble and grateful and awestruck by God. I can even praise him during turmoil. Through all the changes I am still going through, I am learning first to seek God, to listen for his voice, to find strength to meet the challenges these changes demand. I turn to prayer, and through my distress, fear, or confusion, I see the promise of God; he is as loving as a Father, as steadfast as a rock, a powerful Redeemer who gives me wisdom and strength in whatever he calls me to do.

Through that prayerful relationship with God, I have discovered that I am his child - not defined by a job, relationship, or activity. How I cling to that identity! Isaiah 64: 8 affirms that God is my creator - “we are (I am) the clay, and you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand,” and the echo in Ephesians 2:10, “we are (I am) his workmanship.” Nothing in the Bible has struck me as strongly as the assurance and promise of Romans 8: 14-17:
For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God... you
have received a spirit of adoption. When we cry, “Abba! Father!”
it is that very Spirit bearing witness with our spirit that we are
the children of God, and, if children then heirs, heirs of God and
joint heirs with Christ….

My occupations, roles, appearance, and abilities have changed; indeed, even my name will soon change. I continue to engage in activities and work, to meet new people; I am growing and developing. Amid all this change, the one constant is that I know who I am - a new creation, a child of God. My new self “is being renewed in knowledge, according to the image of its creator… As God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, [I clothe myself] with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience” (Col. 3: 10, 12).

I find my identity then in my purpose: to glorify God by loving God with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength and my neighbor as myself, demonstrating all those traits in which I have been clothed, using all the gifts and talents my Creator has given me. How simple yet profound! No matter what changes I go through, I am a beloved daughter of God! That is who looks back at me in the mirror. Praise God for the changes He has brought into my life!