Better, Not Older

I suppose it is only natural at age 75 to consider my life to this point. I recall a recurring theme in conversations I have with older people: they do not want to become useless, but remain useful, as much as their bodies and health will allow.

Looking back, I realize I have always been busy with attending school, raising kids, working. During my first three decades, I had no concern about whether I was following God’s will or not. The amazing thing, though, is how God used me all along. In a recent sermon, Pastor Brian alluded to the fact that God uses us even when we may not be aware of it. Now I see that even the painful and challenging times have been used to teach me compassion and forgiveness. After Wayne’s death, I realized how much I had learned from him, and discovered that those lessons would soon be used for serving God and my church in ways I never dreamed of. Those lessons were necessary for me to be who I am today.

I have asked lately, “God, what’s next? Why am I not hearing from you?” Yet I know that God is speaking to me, even when I am not listening. It may take three or four, or 25 to 100 times, for the messages to get through. Listening requires “being still,” as Becky Holland always reminds me. And my life has been anything but “still” lately. Even as I lament that I have not been mindful of His voice, I perceive that He is readying me for service once more, for which I am grateful. Recent things I have read or heard (not coincidentally) are shaping whatever that service is.

There was a quotation recently on Facebook by Toby Mac, “When we think ‘it’s too late,’ God whispers, ‘I still have a plan.”’ Looking for something to include in the agenda for church council, I came across C. S. Lewis’s saying, “You are never too old to set a new goal or dream a new dream.” Both gave the hope and perseverance I needed.

I followed up by searching for what Scripture says about aging. As often happens, I found wisdom in the Psalms. David proclaims, in Psalm 16:11, “You show me the path of life. In your presence there is fullness of joy; in your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” Yes, the “forevermore” struck me! In the NRSV, Psalm 71 is described as a “Prayer for Lifelong Protection and Help” and verse nine echoes earlier thoughts with “Do not cast me off in the time of old age; do not forsake me when my strength is spent” (9). Comparing the righteous to the palm trees and cedars, the psalmist declares, “In old age they still produce fruit; they are always green and full of sap, showing that the Lord is upright; he is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in him” (14-15).

Last fall, I took a self-imposed retreat because I felt God was speaking to me, but I just wasn’t “getting” it. I came back not with answers but with a strong conviction that my life was being prepared for a change. Bingo!! Meeting, then marrying Michael might not have been the change I expected, but God acts in unexpected ways with unexpected people. This year I sense that whatever comes next will also involve Michael (he may not know that yet).

Hopefully, I have grown older spiritually (also not a terrible thing) and have become better at discerning God’s plan for me. I acknowledge God’s hand guiding me, not in my time but in his. God will give me the strength for whatever he has for me to do. I continue to dream, to set goals, to challenge myself and, most importantly, to wait on the Lord, ready to be his obedient servant, to love him with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength, and to love my neighbor as myself.

We are often characterized as an aging church. Perhaps we should consider if that is true. What does the number representing our age mean in terms of eternity? We all have worldly distractions from time to time keeping us from being fully involved in God’s work. Yet we also still have life and breath, and intangibles such as wisdom, confidence, creativity, compassion, resilience, and enthusiasm. God will use us so long as we are obedient, listening servants and that applies not only to those who have reached a certain age, but also our youth, our young parents, our middle-agers. Are you ready for that “next step” in your own life and in the life of this church? Young, old, and in between, let’s take it together!