Who Are Our Family?

We all have families of one kind or another. Sometimes family members live close to one another, others live miles away. We may celebrate milestones like birthdays, graduations, marriages, or forget every important date. We hold reunions, where multiple generations share stories, memories, and opinions, often not the same. We respond differently to our families, depending on experiences. Yet I think we could agree that families are important influences on who we become.

I had an extended family growing up, since Dad had seven siblings, most of whom lived in Hampton or Newport News. That meant family gatherings with aunts, uncles, and cousins. Mom’s folks lived in South Carolina and Florida, so summer vacations meant visiting them. Lucky for me, Mom’s youngest brother is only 18 months older than I, so I always had someone to hang out with. Her sister and I share a birthday, seven years apart. Both sides of the family had contentious issues from time to time, but one thing that they shared was love, looking out for one another, and a strong belief in God.

I have sons and daughters-in-law, and three granddaughters whom I adore. We visit as often as possible with one family in Williamsburg and the other near Raleigh. I have spent Thanksgivings and Christmases with them, shared vacations and hockey games, school plays and church services. They bring me great joy.

Since my marriage to Michael, I have a larger number of family members than ever. With his sisters, I found attributes to admire: Barbara and her common sense and practical approach to life; Kathy who, I suspect, can be very mischievous when given the chance; and Linda, with whom I bonded because of our faith. This sisterhood is especially meaningful as I lost my only sister when she was 46 years old.

Yet I met with a challenge when we planned a trip to meet Michael’s “bonus” family, his late wife’s daughter Kristen along with her husband Adam and son Ashton. I admit I was apprehensive, thinking that I somehow had to measure up to a woman I have learned was strong and kind and loving, a Christian who had a profound influence on Michael. I prayed about the meeting but could not have imagined the power of the answered prayer.

A lively person, Kristen greeted me with kindness and acceptance from the start. I shared with her my fears about meeting her. She immediately assured me that she and her family were so happy for their bonus dad and me and welcomed me as one of their own. Twelve year old Ashton took a while to warm up to me, but when I shared with him that both my dad and an uncle had worked for the railroad, he and I engaged in a conversation about trains, his favorite topic—he even has a YouTube channel on trains with over 1000 subscribers. The entire family celebrated my birthday by taking us out to eat and then going elsewhere for dessert—a giant chocolate pinata that burst open with fruit! By the end of the evening, Ashton asked if I could be his grandma so he could be my grandson. What a blessing! (I’m Granny Jo-jo to him).

Since that experience, I have been considering the nature of family. I thought in terms of being a member of God’s family, an adopted daughter. That led to my church family, but even larger, the entire family of God. I have tried to identify the commonalities in my earthly family and my heavenly one. Communication and fellowship are both necessary for families to bond. We speak to our Heavenly Father through prayer and “visit” our church family through worship, Bible studies, meals, and other social events. Beyond that, families look after one another, supporting, filling needs by sharing, offering forgiveness when disagreements or hurtful actions threaten their unity. WE offer our tithes, offerings, service, and time to one another as we show God’s love to those in our community and beyond.

Romans 8 refers to “The Spirit himself bear(ing) witness that we are children of God (16). We see exhortations to honor our father and mother (Exodus 20) and to provide for relatives (1 Tim. 5: 8). Our Christian family creates “a nurturing community” living in “an environment of love, respect, and mutual support, reflecting God’s love and embodying Christ’s teaching” (web 7/17). We recognize God as our Heavenly Father who extends His love, forgiveness, and grace to each of us. We are called to do the same for others.

I am more than grateful for the immediate family I have, for husband, sons, daughters (in-law and bonus), three granddaughters and now one grandson. I pray that we are united by more than earthly circumstances, but find our identity as part of the wider vision of being adopted into the family of God by love, forgiveness, and grace.

What does your family look like?